Tempting Torment Read online

  Actually it had been Mary, but Jessa was wise enough not to split hairs. "The gowns are lovely. I admit I admired them earlier."

  "Did you try any on?"

  "Oh, no! I never thought they were meant for me!" That they were intended for her confused Jessa greatly. Noah had spoken of making his decision to take her with him as if it had been made at the last possible moment, yet the gowns seemed to suggest otherwise. They could not have been fashioned in a few hours time. He must have wrestled with his conscience for weeks and changed his mind any number of times. Jessa cautioned herself not to make too much of the gowns. Their presence signified no permanency. He was not letting her forget that he intended to let her make her own way once they were in America.

  "Well, they are," Noah said a trifle gruffly. "Did you find Gideon's things?"

  Jessa had chanced upon several drawers filled with shirts, nightgowns, diapers, bonnets, and socks, but she had never considered they were meant for Gideon. "Do you mean the clothing beneath the crib?"

  "Of course I mean the clothing beneath the crib. Don't tell me you thought it was for Hilary as well?"

  With great daring Jessa gave the back of Noah's head a little shove with the heel of her hand. "Don't be stupid," she said indignantly. "I thought it was meant for Ashley's children."

  "Oh."

  "Oh, indeed. I'm not in the habit of making free with what doesn't belong to me, you know."

  That statement brought Noah's head around. One brow was lifted for ironic effect and his green-gold eyes regarded her skeptically. "I can think of a few fellow travelers who would take exception to what you've said. Lord Gilmore, for one."

  "I should have known you would bring that up," Jessa said, angry with herself for giving him the opening. "But I did say I wasn't in the habit of doing it."

  Noah's slightly cynical expression lost its edge of humor as he studied her almost dispassionately. He turned around again and leaned his head against Jessa's thigh. "Wear the rose gown tomorrow." He paused and thought about honey catching more flies than vinegar. "Please."

  Jessa wondered at the effort that please cost him. "All right." Quite without thinking her fingers brushed his temple and traced the outer edge of his ear.

  A shiver shimmied down Noah's spine. Did she think she could hold him at arm's length by teasing him like that? She obviously didn't know what she wanted. Well, he did, and if it meant setting her a little off balance tonight he could do it for the sake of future gains. Noah let a long comfortable silence yawn between them before he finally said, "I'm going to bed, Jessa. Are you joining me now?"

  It was a foregone conclusion that she would share his bed. They both knew it. Jessa was very well aware that Noah held every advantage in a contest of wills. But Jessa was a strategist. If she were to ultimately win the war she decided there were moments when she would have to give some ground. She also knew Noah would be suspicious if she surrendered too easily to any of his dictates. Therefore, in response to his question, Jessa said, "Not right now. I'd like to write a letter to Mary first."

  Noah did not like her delaying tactic, but he accepted it. As he readied for bed, Jessa sat at the table and began her letter to Mary. She hardly knew what she wrote; her mind was too filled with Noah. He circled the cabin once, blowing out the lamps until the only light came from her table. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched him shed his shirt, stockings, and breeches. He threw back the covers on the bed and crawled in wearing only his linen drawers. Where is his nightshirt? she wondered. She was not even aware that she had penned the question to Mary until she reread the letter. Embarrassed by her wandering thoughts, she scratched it out.

  Jessa worked on her letter for some fifteen minutes after Noah had retired. She thought he might badger her into finishing quickly, but each time she glanced in his direction his eyes were closed and he gave every indication that his intention was to sleep. It gave her the confidence she needed to prepare for bed.

  Jessa removed her gown and put it in the wardrobe along with her shoes and stockings. She washed her face then extinguished the last lamp before she stripped off her undergarments and slipped into her nightshift. Easing back the comforter, Jessa slid into the bed and lay on her back at the very edge of the feather tick.

  "You're going to fall out," Noah said sleepily. He burrowed a little deeper into the covers and plumped his pillow.

  Jessa was so surprised to hear his voice that she nearly did fall. "I'm fine," she said stiffly. Her body was as rigid as a corpse.

  Noah's short laugh was husky. "Jessa, there's plenty of room in this bed. There's no need for you to hug the very edge."

  "When I could be hugging you, you mean."

  "I'm shocked at the way your mind works. The thought had not occurred to me." When lightning didn't strike him for that lie, Noah turned on his stomach and closed his eyes. "Good night, Jessa. Pleasant dreams."

  Jessa could hardly believe her ears. He was going to sleep! While she had never truly believed he would force himself on her, she had thought he would make her lie beside him, perhaps take her in his arms, perhaps... Enough! she admonished herself. Jessa had no patience with her own confusion. Angry with herself, she turned on her side away from Noah, closed her eyes, and gritted her teeth. Pleasant dreams, she thought. Hah! No chance of that.

  But Jessa had no conscious control of her dreams, and the one from which she eventually woke had been decidedly pleasant. Reality fell far short. The thick bed of clover in which she had been lying was nothing more than the plump mattress. The warm band of sunlight that had caressed her turned hip was Noah's arm thrown possessively across her. The butterfly wings that had tickled her cheek were Noah's fingers making a light trail across her skin.

  Jessa's eyes opened wide.

  "Before you throw a tantrum," Noah said softly, "you should know that I did not initiate this." He was propped on one elbow and his eyes were grave. He continued to stroke her cheek. The night was very clear. Starshine cast a pale blue light in the cabin and across Jessa's face. He had been watching her for a very long time. He knew the fine contours, every angle, every plane, of her face. His left leg was caught between both of hers. Perhaps when she realized she was holding him and not the other way around she would believe what he said. "You curled around me like a kitten, Jessa."

  "Oh," she said in a small voice. "Did you... did we... that is, did—"

  "No."

  "Oh."

  "Did you really think I would take you while you slept?"

  She shook her head. His eyes seemed more gold now. Cat's eyes. They held her prisoner more surely than the arm about her waist. She could only stare at him.

  "I want you," he said, "but I am not so selfish as to take you like that."

  "You... you said we should come to know one another before... before we—"

  "I did say that, didn't I?" Noah's head dipped slightly. "There are many ways to know a person," he said, bent on manipulating her to his own ends. There could be no better time than now to show her how he intended that they should go on. In the space of a heartbeat his mouth captured hers. The kiss was gentle, taming. He did not press his advantage even when Jessa offered no resistance, no struggle. His lips touched the corner of her mouth, her cheek, her jaw. He raised his head and looked down at her. "That wasn't so terrible, was it?"

  "N-no."

  "You're my wife, Jessa," he said deeply. "I would be well within my rights to take you whether you say to me yea or nay. You know that's true."

  She nodded. Panic darkened her eyes and she lowered her lashes, too proud to let him know she was afraid of him.

  Noah cupped her chin and raised her face. "Look at me." When she did, he went on. "But that's not what I want now." He almost believed it himself. "Let's talk of learning, not taking. There has to be a beginning. This is ours. I want to hold you. I want to know your touch and you to know mine." Noah's green-gold eyes held hers. "Nothing against your will," he added, confident that his will would eventually win
hers over. His thumb passed along the lower edge of her lip. "What say you to that?"

  Jessa felt her common sense dissolving beneath Noah's liquid, lullaby tones. Her mouth parted. She touched the tip of her tongue to his thumb.

  Chapter 6

  Noah's soft groan was born of desire, and it surprised him that he could feel such a deep wanting for the beautiful jade who shared his bed. The sound was caught by Jessa's mouth, trapped by her lips, as his mouth covered hers. His tongue traced the line of her lips, parted them at the center, and when she drew in a startled breath he pressed deeper. Her mouth was sweet, her response shy. That surprised him also. She had not been so shy in her sleep. His tongue stroked, teased, tasted, and he sensed her following his lead.

  The arm that lay across Jessa's waist lifted slightly. Noah's palm slid onto the curve of her hip and rested there without moving, waiting to see how she would respond. His mouth lifted, hovered, then recaptured hers. He felt the smooth line of her calf rub against the length of his leg. He held himself still.

  Jessa liked the kissing very much but she was wary. The only comparison she had to Noah's kiss was the one Edward Penberthy had leveled on her mouth as he pressed her against the nursery room door. She had been forced to suffer that kiss. Scoring his cheek with her nails had kept her from suffering another. In spite of her fear she never considered clawing Noah. In one small part of her mind she knew that what she was doing was dangerous, yet what were her choices? If she pretended to give a little of herself now, then perhaps the promise inherent in her actions would hold him at bay. Only what she was doing did not feel very much like pretending. Her insides were uncurling. It was the most confusing experience of her life.

  Gently, so gently, Noah nudged Jessa's hip until she turned fully on her back. Now the leg that had been caught between hers covered them. Noah's weight rested against her lightly; his thigh pressed hers.

  "You can touch me, Jessa," he said. He found himself wondering how different he might be from her late husband. Was she comparing his kisses? That bothered Noah. Since he had awakened with Jessa in his arms he had never once thought of Hilary. There was more than a hint of irritation in the next kiss he pressed on Jessa's mouth. He wanted to banish Hilary and Robert Grantham. It was done the moment Jessa accepted his kiss as she had all the others, eagerly and passionately.

  Jessa's arms curved around Noah's shoulders. Her hands cupped the back of his head, fingers threading in his hair. She was distantly aware that she had begun to feel safe in his arms. Hadn't he said he only wanted to touch? Jessa wanted to be relieved of responsibility for what was happening. She chose to take Noah at his word. Because he had promised that he would not force passion's final intimacy on her, Jessa discovered she very much wanted to know everything that came before it.

  Her hands slipped to Noah's chest. She traced the breadth of his shoulders, felt the warmth of his flesh beneath her palms. His arms were taut and smoothly muscled. Beneath her questing fingers his male nipples hardened and she felt a peculiar tension pass from him into her.

  Noah's hand curved to the underside of Jessa's breast.

  It filled his palm and he ached to strip away her shift and bring the tip to his mouth. Her breasts were full and high, firm and faintly swollen, bearing evidence of her desire. His thumb rubbed against her nipple. Her shift added an abrasiveness that was not unpleasant. She moaned softly as the tip became pebble hard beneath his touch.

  Noah's head bent as Jessa's lips parted. He teased her, nuzzling her ear, nipping the sensitive cord of her neck. His mouth touched her temple, her eyelids. When their lips finally met, it was a hard, bruising kiss of barely checked desire that brought their bodies flush to one another. The contact sent a frisson of heat through both of them.

  Swallowing a sob, Jessa pulled back first, appalled by what Noah was making her feel. He had spoken of learning, but it was clear if she did not stop him he would have the taking of her as well. She pushed at his shoulders, frightened that her response to him had been so abandoned. She no longer felt safe. "No," she said, trying to wriggle away from the bold outline of his body. "This is wrong."

  Noah sucked in his breath and let Jessa go. Damn her for a tease! She had been eager enough moments ago. What had gone wrong?

  "Noah?" Worried by his silence, Jessa touched his shoulder.

  He shrugged her off sharply and lay on his back. His breathing was harsh. When he had it under control he said, "I take it you don't intend to finish what we've begun."

  How could he even think she would? Jessa had a sudden picture of herself in Noah's arms, giving him every encouragement once he began touching her. She was able to answer her own question.

  "Jessa?"

  "No... I can't."

  Noah struggled to get the rest of himself under control. He thought of how he was betraying Hilary with this woman. It helped him cool his heels. "All right," he said. It was only a matter of time before Jessa relented. At least she was aware of him now as a man, not as some medieval protector complete with shield and white charger. And Hilary... well, Hilary was never going to know about this indiscretion. Noah found it disturbingly easy to blame Jessa for bringing him to this pass.

  "Are you angry?" she asked. Her skin tingled. She was shamed by the tightening between her thighs. She had a vision of rubbing herself against him to relieve the ache. Jessa pressed her legs together instead and reflected on how wicked her thoughts had become since she met Noah McClellan. How could he make her body respond so eagerly when she wasn't even sure she liked him? How could she have turned to him in the darkness of her dreams? She flushed hot and cold when she realized how little willpower she had exercised, how quickly he had coaxed the responses he wanted from her.

  "No, not angry." Anger didn't begin to describe what he was feeling. Beneath the comforter his hand sought and found hers. He stroked the underside of her wrist, softly at first, then without warning squeezed it hard enough to make Jessa wince. "You would do well to think before you begin to tease a man so."

  "Tease?" she asked, bewildered. "But I—"

  "Have you forgotten that you were the one who turned to me?" He didn't expect an answer and Jessa didn't give him one. After a moment he said, "I think we should both get some sleep."

  Jessa pulled her hand free and began to scoot away. How dare he blame her? He was the one who made promises that he had no intention of keeping.

  "Where are you going?"

  "In the circumstances," she said stiffly, "don't you think it would be better if I slept on the window seat?"

  "What circumstances?"

  His tone made her cautious. "I just thought... I mean..."

  Lightning quick, Noah slid a proprietal arm around Jessa's waist and dragged her back. Turning on his side, he cradled her against the length of him. "If I want to suffer," he whispered in her ear, "then you'll damn well let me suffer."

  "You're insane." And she meant it. There was no possibility that she would ever understand him. Not in six weeks. Not in six lifetimes. Thank God it would not come to that. Noah left her no choice but to remain at his side. Because he made her, Jessa fit herself against him and did not pull away from the heat and hardness she could feel pressed against her buttocks.

  They were both a long time falling asleep.

  * * *

  "You become that gown," Noah said.

  Jessa turned quickly, unaware until he spoke that he had entered the cabin. "I'm sorry about the door, Noah, truly I am. Cam just left a moment ago and I have not had time to bolt it."

  Noah crossed the room to where Jessa stood by the porcelain basin. He took her hands and lifted them outward then surveyed her in the gown again. "I have given you a very pretty compliment, madam. Can't you think of anything to say besides the door wants bolting?"

  Jessa looked up at him shyly. He was a constant source of surprise to her. Upon waking this morning she hadn't known what to expect. Yet Noah had dropped a kiss on her forehead, bounded out of bed, and talked to her of
this and that the entire time he dressed to go on deck. He had made her laugh. He had almost made her forget that she had clung to him most of the night. Almost. "Thank you, Noah. I'm happy you like the gown."

  "I like the gown on you." He held her eyes a moment, then his gaze dropped to the square-cut bodice. "I didn't describe the measurements quite accurately, did I?" The fabric was stretched tautly across Jessa's breasts. Neither were her breasts completely contained by the neckline. Their sweet curves were visible for anyone to ogle. Noah cleared his throat, "Don't you have a fichu... a shawl... something?"

  Embarrassed, Jessa crossed her arms in front of her. It had an effect opposite to the one she wished, raising her breasts still higher above the neckline. Luckily Gideon chose that moment to crawl from beneath one of the lounging chairs to demand Jessa's attention. Unfortunately, when she scooped him off the floor and held him against her, his dimpled fist dove directly into her cleavage. "Gideon!" she cried in outraged accents.

  Noah nearly choked on his laughter, raising his hands innocently as Jessa looked to him for help. "I swear I did not teach him that!"

  "Fool!" she said, though she was hard pressed not to laugh herself. She tried to remove Gideon's fist and part of his chubby forearm, but he was squirming and kicking and she needed both hands to steady him. "Would you please take him?"

  Noah pulled Gideon away, held him up high, and gave him a wriggle. "Oh, Gideon, how I envied you!"

  "Noah! That's a horrible thing to say to him."

  Noah was unapologetic. "He didn't understand a word. And, anyway, I did envy him."

  Jessa turned away, hiding her smile. She righted her bodice as much as she was able. "Just so you know," she said over her shoulder. "I am letting out the seams in all the gowns."

  "All of them?" Noah sat down in a chair and bounced Gideon on his knee. The baby wobbled and teetered and never stopped giggling. "They all fit the way this rose one does?"

  "Yes. I am not so skinny and ill-fed as you think."