A Place Called Home Read online

  “Do you think this is funny, Thea? I left two messages on your home phone, your cell’s still off, and it’s snowing now. I didn’t know what the hell happened to you.”

  Thea drew in a slow breath, wondering why she didn’t feel more contrite. It was probably not a good sign of where this relationship was heading. The thought of what that might mean was like a fist closing over her heart. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I haven’t been home so very long.”

  “How long?”

  “A few hours.”

  “And you’re just calling now.” Joel’s disappointment was palpable. “That speaks volumes.”

  “I told you I just wanted to lie around today,” she said. “Alone.”

  “Oh, I understood that part. What I don’t understand is where you’ve been.”

  “I spent the night with the children.”

  There was a long pause, and finally, “They live with Baker.”

  “Yes, I stayed with them at Mitch’s.”

  “He was there, then.”

  “At some point,” she said. “I don’t know when he came in. I fell asleep with the children and didn’t stir again until this morning.”

  “That still should have put you home before my second call.”

  Thea covered the mouthpiece with her hand so her sigh couldn’t be overheard. “I slept in,” she told him.

  “You never sleep in.”

  “I did this morning.”

  “Thea, I don’t—”

  Guilt, as well as a desire to end the conversation, made Thea rush in. “Can you come out, Joel? The roads aren’t bad, are they?”

  “It wouldn’t matter.”

  The way he said it made the fist around Thea’s heart tighten. “How long?”

  “About forty minutes.”

  “I’ll start dinner.”

  Thea woke alone Monday morning. Guilt might have prompted her invitation to Joel, but it also worked to keep him out of her bed. He didn’t press her overmuch though she knew he was dissatisfied as well as frustrated. For herself, there was initial relief, a restless night, and enough self-blame by morning that she compensated for by spending the first three hours in her office making personal calls to update her wedding arrangements.

  She ended up working until almost eight, missed a meeting she didn’t have in her schedule, and forced herself to drive home in spite of the fact that it would have been easier once again to spend the night at the office.

  Rosie Flaugherty was waiting for her in the driveway. She hopped out of her car when Thea opened the garage door from the street and was shaking off flakes of snow inside by the time Thea got out of her car. Rosie swept back her hood to reveal hair that was aggressively big and blond.

  Thea gave a start. The last time she had seen Rosie, her big hair had been bottled auburn. “Time for a change?”

  “Yeah. Whaddya think?”

  “It’s bright.”

  “That’s what Robby thinks. He likes it, though. Sez when I change my hair it’s like he’s sleepin’ around without the hassle of tradin’ zodiac signs at the bar.”

  Laughing, Thea opened the door to the house and stepped inside. “It sounds like it’s been a while since Robby took that line out for a test drive.”

  Rosie snorted. “I better be the last woman he asked, ‘So, what’s your sign, sweetcheeks?’ We’ve been married twenty-four years.” She took off her parka, gave it to Thea, and slipped off her boots. “You haven’t asked me why I’m here.”

  “You don’t need a reason to drop by.”

  “Right,” she said flatly. “Like you want me hangin’ out at the country club.”

  “You’re confusing me with my parents.” Thea hung up their coats and then motioned Rosie to have a seat in the breakfast nook of the kitchen. “I’ll take you to lunch there some Sunday.”

  “I bet your boyfriend would love that.”

  Thea didn’t respond to that. “Have you eaten? I was going to make some aglio e olio.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Pasta with garlic and olive oil. It will take about twenty minutes.”

  “Sure. Sounds good. Anything I can do?”

  “Keep me company.”

  “You got any pop?”

  Thea opened the refrigerator and found Rosie a Pepsi. “Just for you,” she said, snapping back the tab. She poured it into a glass, added ice, and slid it to the far side of the table. “Talk to me.”

  Rosie leaned back in her chair while Thea returned to the counter. “I just had a feelin’,” she said, “that maybe you could use a visitor.”

  “Good call.” Thea filled a five-quart pasta pot with water and set it on the stove. She turned the flame on high and added a lid to bring it to a boil faster. “How did you know?”

  “I was talking to Rachel. She didn’t see you at the meeting.”

  “Were you checking up on me?”

  “No, that’s what I’m doing now. Then, I was talking to Rachel. She mentioned it; I didn’t.” Rosie’s thick acrylic-tipped nails tapped her glass. She wore rings on every finger, including her thumbs, and the synthetic stones flashed just like the real ones. “So what happened?”

  Thea shrugged. “I got caught up in something else and Mrs. Admundson didn’t remind me.”

  Across the kitchen, Rosie’s eyes narrowed as she went into full bullshit alert mode. Thea didn’t have a knife in her drawer as steely or as sharp as what Rosie turned on her now. “Doesn’t sound like Mrs. A.,” she said, taking it slow, feeling her way. “Thought she was one of those anal types who never forgets where her car is parked—or yours.”

  “I didn’t have it in my calendar.”

  “So you haven’t told her.”

  “No. It’s none of her business.” Thea pressed garlic into a sauté pan then added extra virgin olive oil. Her back was to Rosie but it didn’t stop her from feeling the strength of the other woman’s stare. “Say something.”

  “We’ve talked about it before,” Rosie said casually. “You don’t have to take out a full-page ad or anything.”

  “But you think Mrs. Admundson should know.”

  “If you can’t remember on your own, I think you damn well need to get it into your calendar, Thea, so someone can remind you.”

  Thea half turned away from the stove so she could see Rosie while she slowly pushed the garlic through the olive oil with a wooden spoon. She hadn’t been wrong about those blue eyes boring into her. “What about you? Can’t you call me?”

  “I’m not a nursemaid. You have to take some responsibility for yourself.”

  “And how is having my assistant remind me making me responsible?”

  “Because you depend on her to remind you about lots of other things. I don’t see how this is any different. It’s part of your life now—or it’s supposed to be. Unless you’re changing your mind about that? Like maybe you’re thinkin’ you can do it all on your own.”

  Thea smacked the side of the spoon against the pan. Droplets of warm oil splashed on the back of her hand but she gave them no notice. “I just missed a meeting, Rosie. One meeting.”

  “Two. Unless you went yesterday.”

  “Yesterday was Sunday. I didn’t know there were meetings on Sunday.”

  “Honey, there’s always a meeting somewhere. That’s why it’s ninety days/ninety meetings. Or did you think that was just a slogan?” Torn between exasperation and sympathy when she saw the truth in Thea’s startled expression, Rosie simply shook her head. “Well, now you know.” Her eyes dropped to the stovetop. “You better lower that flame. Somethin’s startin’ to smoke.”

  Chapter 6

  “Rosie thinks I should tell Mrs. Admundson,” Thea said. She glanced over at Joel when he didn’t say anything. His strong jaw was set tightly and the line of his mouth could only be called disapproving. Thea turned her eyes back to the road, wishing she had not volunteered to drive him to the airport. Traffic was heavy, they were running late, and Joel had already pressed the phantom bra
ke on his side of the car three times.

  “That Buick is slowing down,” he warned her.

  Thea strove for patience as she lightly tapped the brake. “Thank you.” She turned on her signal light, checked the mirrors, then whipped into the passing lane. “So what do you think?”

  “About your driving?”

  “I know what you think about that. What about telling Mrs. A.?”

  “I’ve told you what I think about that, too.” He fell silent a moment, then said, “Just how many people have to know about your condition before that woman is satisfied?”

  Thea tried not to bristle at his faintly accusatory tone. “At least one more than you, Joel.”

  “I don’t understand. You go to those meetings. There are, what? Twenty? Thirty people there? They all know. Isn’t that sufficient?”

  “Rosie says it’s not the same, and I’m inclined to agree with her. The Hi-my-name-is-Thea anonymity serves its purpose but I could use some help outside of the meetings. I’m a substance abuser. An addict. It’s not exactly a condition.”

  “If there’s a problem, it’s because your doctor overprescribed medication. I think you have a malpractice case. So does Avery.”

  “That isn’t helpful. Don’t find excuses for me, Joel. I’m good at finding them for myself.”

  Joel found the button that adjusted his seat. He pushed it so the back slanted a few degrees more toward the rear of the car. He rested his head on the support and closed his eyes. “Let me know when we’re there.”

  Thea was not sure whether he took that position to avoid conversation or because he hated her driving. It worked on both counts. They didn’t speak again until she was pulling into the passenger eject lane at Pittsburgh International.

  “Will you at least wait until I get back before you say anything to Mrs. A.?” asked Joel. “A few more days can’t hurt. We can both think about it. There could be consequences you haven’t considered.”

  That she hadn’t considered. Thea hadn’t missed that part. It was Joel’s way of telling her he knew them all. “Very well.”

  Joel frowned. “That was too easy,” he said. “Do you have a bomb you want to drop?”

  “More like a hand grenade.” She pulled the trunk release but neither of them made a move to get out of the car. Thea turned slightly in her seat. “I want us to have dinner with Mitchell Baker and his girlfriend when you get back. I was thinking of Saturday night. Will you do that for me?”

  “I think that’s a great idea.” Joel leaned across the console. The kiss he gave Thea was both lingering and hard, and when he pulled back they were both a shade out of breath. “I’m going before we get cited.”

  Thea saw a uniformed officer walking toward the car. He looked as if he had no patience for public displays of affection and was prepared to give them a dressing-down before he waved them on. Joel pushed his door open and hopped out of the car. “I’ll call you tonight.” He got his carry-on and garment bag out of the trunk and closed the lid, tapping it twice to indicate he was done.

  Thea watched him walk up to the door. He turned once and gave her a little wave. She waved back, a small frown pulling her brows together. She saw the officer motioning her out with his thumb, and she pulled away from the curb without looking. “That was too easy,” she said under her breath.

  She wasn’t talking about her merge into traffic.

  Prior to Saturday evening Thea’s contact with Mitch was limited to two brief phone calls,the first to suggest the day, restaurant, and time, and the second to confirm that he and Gina could make it.

  Joel had arrived back in town only the previous night. Thea met him at their favorite Italian eatery in the Strip District a half hour early so they could have a few private moments before being joined by their guests. Joel ordered a bottle of red before he remembered Thea wouldn’t be joining him.

  “You’re not a drunk, Thea,” he said quietly. “One glass wouldn’t be out of line.”

  “I suppose this means we’re done with the amenities,” she said. She deliberately squeezed her lemon slice into her water and took a sip. She held up her glass to the candlelight. “Light. Zesty. The bouquet is suggestive of lemon-scented Shine and Shield, but not unfriendly.”

  “Stop it. You’ve made your point.”

  Thea reached under the table and touched Joel’s thigh. “Are we going to fight? I don’t want to do that.”

  “What do you want, Thea? I’m not certain I know any longer. I don’t seem to be able to do anything right since you came out of rehab.”

  She removed her hand and smoothed the edge of the white tablecloth with her fingertips instead. “It’s not rehab,” she said. “Or it’s not only rehab. I have the children to think about.” Thea lowered her voice. “My lifelong friend and his wife were just killed, Joel. How can you not understand that some things have changed for me?”

  Joel Strahern did not lack compassion. He saw Thea was hurting and knew he was, in part, responsible for it. He laid his hand over hers, rubbing the back of her hand with the ball of his thumb. “Can you appreciate,” he said softly, “that I don’t want to lose you? Things I thought we understood, you’re asking me to change. And each time I restate my position I wonder if you’ll end it.” He gave her hand a slight squeeze. “You look great from behind, Thea, but I dread that view if it means you’re walking out on me.”

  Thea’s small smile was shaky. “I didn’t mean to get into this tonight, Joel. I really didn’t. I wouldn’t have met you early if I thought this was going to happen. Perhaps there is no good time to tell you that time is exactly what I need.” She watched his face go very still and felt his hand leave hers. Thea waded on, feeling the water get deeper and colder. “No one has to know anything’s changed between us, if that’s the way you want it. It’s not as though our engagement’s been formally announced. People who have seen the ring will think we’re just trying to be quiet about it. People who haven’t, won’t know differently.”

  “Obviously you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

  It was almost all she had thought about since dropping him off at the airport. She nodded faintly because she owed him the truth. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to see me,” she said. “But that’s not what I’m asking for. I want the freedom to be with the children more without feeling as if I’m being pulled in another direction by you. I don’t think you can give me that yet, and I don’t blame you for it. I know one of the things that attracted you to me was the fact I wanted no children of my own. You were always honest about that.”

  “So were you,” he said bitterly. “Or so I thought.”

  Thea felt her face warm. “I was honest,” she said. “I didn’t know what I know now. The circumstances of my life have changed, and I owe it to Emilie and the boys to do my very best by them.”

  Joel raised his wineglass, took a long swallow, then regarded her over the rim. “Then you’re going to ask for full custody?”

  “No.” Reluctantly she admitted, “It’s occurred to me, but you can’t know how unfair and cruel that would be to everyone.”

  “Including Baker.”

  Thea nodded.

  “I thought he didn’t want them. Didn’t he try to pawn them off on you only a couple of weeks ago?”

  Joel’s choice of words made Thea stiffen, but she answered calmly enough. “He panicked, Joel. He didn’t know how much he wanted the children.”

  “So now you’re going to help.” His voice was flat and unflattering. “Who do you think you’re kidding, Thea? This is about Mitchell Baker, not the children.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t help it if you think that. It’s not true, not in the way you seem to think it is. He’s one of the good guys, Joel, and he’s asked for my help. I want to give him that.”

  “Deputy Mom,” Joel said against the rim of his glass before he drained it.

  Thea drew in her lower lip as she watched Joel pour a second glass of wine. He correctly read her concern and shrugg
ed, the curve of his mouth faintly derisive. With a small, defiant salute he raised his glass and drank again. Thea maintained a stoic silence, glancing at Joel’s Rolex as he lifted his arm. He caught the direction of her gaze, looked at the time himself, and commented, “Seems the posse is runnin’ a bit behind schedule, ma’am.”

  “Maybe we should order something,” she suggested. “I wouldn’t mind an appetizer. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

  Joel put his hand over Thea’s menu as she began to open it. “I think we should wait. It would be rude to start without them.”

  Rather than struggle with her menu, Thea removed her hands to her lap.

  “I’ll behave,” Joel said. He touched her chin and applied only minimal pressure to get her to look at him. “I promise.”

  She searched his face, saw that in spite of the blow she had dealt him and the pain he was in, he was sincere about this. She nodded slowly.

  Joel lowered his hand and pushed his wineglass to the side. “Do you want to call him? I have my phone if you don’t have yours.”

  Thea looked around the crowded restaurant. Candlelight was reflected warmly in the darkening windows as night had long since closed around them, but intimacy was an illusion. Privacy was suggested, not ensured. “I don’t want to make a call from here. I don’t like it when other people do the same thing. Let’s just wait them out.”

  “All right.” Joel’s eyes followed the progress of a waiter coming toward them with a basket of warm chunks of bread. He picked one out as soon as the basket made a landing and dipped it in a shallow pool of seasoned olive oil. “I’ll start with this.”

  Smiling, Thea chose one for herself. “I’ll join you.”

  There was no bread left by the time Gina and Mitch arrived. Their waiter swept away the evidence of Thea and Joel’s head start and replaced it with a new one. Thea made the introductions and watched closely as Joel and Mitch sized each other up. As macho posturing went, it was a fairly mild demonstration, and Thea had the sense they did it more in response to her expectations than out of any real desire to mark their territory. Interesting.